"The Magazine With A Twofold Purpose"

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Shown here is a photo of the new species.
"(galbinus cemexis okrus)Green Okra Clusterbug"


A large green creature, approximatly the height of a cyprus tree, was seen on Bayou Pompideux standing near Maurice Gatreaux's boat dock early this morning.
As this reporter was having lunch at Mama Moutons Snack Bar and Exxon Service station, I was confronted, by Mr. Gatreaux, who seemed to be in a high state of agitation (or maybe it was intoxication).

Mr Gatreaux related this story to me about his encounter.....
"Dis ol' cajun done seen de devil dis morning, I garontee.
I brought myself outta de bed dis morning, before de sun com up and had me a cup of hot chickory cafe.
I say to myself, Maurice, you go down de bayou in yo pirogue and cotch yourself some of dem good mud cats. Mama Mouton need dem to make de gumbo.

'bout dat time i dun hear a terrible racket out on de dock an I sez, Maurice, you betta look from de window and see wat dat is. So I look from de window and almost
poo poo!.

Mais!, Dere stood de tallest,greenest, meanest looking giant cajun, I ever did seen.Him wus glowin dis green colur what make de swamp lite up lak de day time.
I know he one mean cajun 'caus he be pickin he teeth wit a gator tail and, mais!, it still had de live gator on de udder end.

He had him udder hand full of my prize okra pods dat I was using to feed dem petit red tong babettes, (you city folk done call " Little Red Tongue Okra ClusterBugs)", Dem petit red tong babettes tast jus lak chikin, you know.
Dat big cajun done eat up almos my whole patch.

Den I gots to tinking So I sez, Maurice, mebbe dem little red tong babettes is what cause dat ugly ting to grow so big.
I know he skin done look lak dat slimey green gumbo, dats been cook too long.

I gets out dat kodak camera, I won at de Bingo Parlor last year.
Him was fixin to hed back in de swamp
and I gets me a pictue tru my window of dat gros cajun Den I gets outta my shack and brings myself down here faster dan a chankachank on a Saty nite.Mais, I'm tell you, I aint go back to Bayou Pompideux, til dat ting is gone!

Here dat pitcure I done took."
At this point, Mr. Gatreux cut off the interview, saying he had to go meet Henri Lebec to get hisself anudder bottle of dat bon new walla wine ol' Henri mak las week .

Photo on page  21

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A large green chicken like creature, approximatly eight foot tall, was seen on Bayou Pompideux near Maurice Gatreaux's shack early this morning.
As this reporter was having supper at Mama Moutons Snack Bar and Exxon Service station, I was again confronted, by Mr. Gatreaux, who seemed to be in a high state of agitation (or maybe his normal state of intoxication).

Mr Gatreaux related this story to me about his latest encounter....

Now you not gonna believ dis,Mr.Reporter man, but dere's anudder big ugly critter out on Bayou Pompideux!.
Las Satty mornin', I brung myself out back to my shed, to gits me some of dat walla wine,dat mak you wanna do de chankachank all nite long. I keeps it in de shed cause dat stuff's too dangerous to keep in de shack, you know.
I looks in de shed and Mais!, I almos poo poo.
I sez, Maurice, som ting done broke in you shed and drunk six bottles of dat walla wine, ol' Henri giv you...
I bet dat no good Gaston Thibedeaux dun slip in here an stole my walla wine. Look at all dem empty bottles on de floor.

Den, on Mondy nite, I hears a big racket down in de shed.
Mais!, dis time I almos poo poo fo sure.
I see de ugliest critter running back in de swamp wit two mo bottles of my walla wine. I garontee, it not ol' Gaston Thibedaux,at all.

Dat ugly critter look lak a giant chickin,wit green fedders an wit a long 'gator tail an a long nek wit a hed lak a snappin' turtle.
It don hav no wings, insted it hav arms lak a gator an hands wit big claws. Mais!, I tink if I see one more ting lak dat ugly chikin or dat giant cajun,I see las month, in de bayou, I gonna move way up Nawth, mebbe as far as Tennessee.
De more I tink about it, ever since Mama Mouton started sellin' dat walla juice, and old Henri Lebec found out, dat if you stuffed dem okra poda and dem petit red tong babettes, (you city folk done call "Little Red Tongue Okra ClusterBugs)", in a barrel of it, it mak de bes wine dis ol' cajun ever drink, I garontee.
I tink he gonna mak a lotta money on dat wine around here.
You know...when ol Henri sell me dat fust bottle las month...dats about de same time, I begin to see all dem critters on de bayou.
I know you not gonna believe me so las night, I rigged up dat Kodac Camra, dat I won at de Bingo Parlor, wit a trip wire lak I catch dem rabbits wit.
When dat critter got in my shed to git my walla wine, it hit dat wire and mais!, here dat pitcur of de ugly ting.

Photo on Page Six

Photo on Page 19




Open House At Out House

The Editor and his staff invite you to an open house celebration of our new facility.
The new building is designed exactly like the old one that was totally destroyed by the tornado.

We have engaged the finest architects in the country, The R.Jenkins Drawdeplan Corporation, to design the new facility, using the latest technology available.
Although, the building may seem small to you, the facility you see above ground is actually the elevator leading to the eighteen floors below ground.

Using the latest construction innovations,designed by the Oscarve Plumbing Company, there will be absolutely no problems of leakage from the ground level floor.

Out House plans to offer leases on the first three floors for a small fee to help allay costs of the new construction.

We hope you enjoy your tour.Reservations may be made on page 17.



There is some question on the validity of a recent news report in the Discussion Group.
The photo in question is not, I repeat, Not our main corporate office .

It is, or should I say was, our ski lodge in Vail, Colorado.

[ "The gang of disgruntled webtv humorists who were seen in the area"], were in fact, members of the Out House staff. They were disgruntled, because this really screwed up our ski trip.

[ "The gang was apparently led by an angry man wearing a Wal-Mart ball cap known only as "O" "].

The guy in the Wall-Mart cap was actually the bus driver and appeared angry, because he only received a thirty five cent tip for the 100 mile trip from Denver.

[ "The person seen running from the flaming facility"],(disguised as yours truly), is actually Osgood T.(Zippo) Ostarve, a well known local arsonist.

If you see this person, do not approach him wearing anything flammable.

Out House Magazine forensic analyst,Dr. Laura Wigittoo,(who really knows about them doctored pictures) examined the photo and discovered the true identity of the arsonist.
Photo showing "zippo" without his disguise can be seen on Page 2.
(Photo courtesy of Winosaur Photomat and Billiards Parlor)

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J.R.Witchotaylor, Director of Finance, announces the acquisition of a state of the art, Mobile Communications System.
The new unit was purchased with insurance funds recovered, due to the recent fire loss that occured at our Vail Ski Lodge.
In honor of our cozy little ski lodge, the new Mobile unit will be christened, "The Prying Phoenix"

Ceremony to be held at our Happy Valley Rest Camp in Downyonder, Arkansas.
You are cordially invited to attend for the small fee of $3800.14. This donation will serve a "two hole" purpose.
It will allow us to continue "upgrading", (whatever that is) our highly technical facilities. and also to enhance the Editor's 401K plan.
Reservations may be made by contacting Mrs.Barbie Thirtysevenski at 1-800-ROTFL.
If you see us in your home town,drop by and say hello. We have received permission, by a company executive, (who wishes to remain anonymous), to set up our facility in local Wall-Mart parking lots.

A photograph of our new mobile unit can be found on
page 92.

A Tornado last night did considerable damage to the Out House Magazines Corporate Offices. Fortunately, the staff was attending their annual appreciation banquet at Mama Mouton's Snack Bar and Exxon Service Station.
With the exception of their courageous (or was it outrageous) Editor, The building was empty.

Plans are underway to rebuild immediately.

Photos on   page 38   1