A VISIT TO
pop. 342

This is a story of a small settlement deep in the swamps of Louisiana called Bayou Pompideux.

The center of activity is Mama Mouton's Snack Bar and Exxon Station.

NEW INSECT SPECIES INFESTS LOUISIANA OKRA FIELDS

A new species of insect is causing very little damage to this seasons crop of okra.

Shown here is a photo of the new species.
Green Okra Clusterbug"
(galbinus cemexis okrus)

The new insect has been sighted throughout the South, with the densest population residing in fields adjacent to Bayou Pompideaux.

Louisiana okra is known locally for it's fine texture and the perfect ingredient for dat good enuf garontee
Cajun Gumbo,
There was, at first, concern about the culinary effect it might have on the taste buds.

Gaston Thibedeaux, Executive Chef, at Mama Mouton's Snack Bar and Exxon Gas Station, made this comment.
"Dem petit babette ce tres bon, when steamed wit de "mud bugs", or serv wit de boudin. Dey tast lak chikin, you know.and dere petit rouge tongs taste lak cayenne pepper.

Aaaa Eeeeeeeee!     Laissez les bon temps rouler
Photo showing infestation on page 18.

BIG FOOT SIGHTED IN LOUISIANA SWAMP

A large green creature, approximatly the height of a cyprus tree, was seen on Bayou Pompideux standing near Maurice Gatreaux's boat dock early this morning.
As this reporter was having lunch at Mama Moutons Snack Bar and Exxon Service station, I was confronted, by Mr. Gatreaux, who seemed to be in a high state of agitation (or maybe it was intoxication).
Mr Gatreaux related this story to me about his encounter.....
"Dis ol' cajun done seen de devil dis morning, I garontee.
I brought myself outta de bed dis morning, before de sun com up and had me a cup of hot chickory cafe.
I say to myself, Maurice, you go down de bayou in yo pirogue and cotch yourself some of dem good mud cats. Mama Mouton need dem to make de gumbo.

'bout dat time i dun hear a terrible racket out on de dock an I sez, Maurice, you betta look from de window and see wat dat is. So I look from de window and almost
poo poo!.

Mais!, Dere stood de tallest,greenest, meanest looking giant cajun, I ever did seen.Him wus glowin dis green colur what make de swamp lite up lak de day time.
I know he one mean cajun 'caus he be pickin he teeth wit a gator tail and, mais!, it still had de live gator on de udder end.

He had him udder hand full of my prize okra pods dat I was using to feed dem petit red tong babettes, (you city folk done call " Little Red Tongue Okra ClusterBugs)", Dem petit red tong babettes tast jus lak chikin, you know.
Dat big cajun done eat up almos my whole patch.

Den I gots to tinking So I sez, Maurice, mebbe dem little red tong babettes is what cause dat ugly ting to grow so big.
I know he skin done look lak dat slimey green gumbo, dats been cook too long.

I gets out dat kodak camera, I won at de Bingo Parlor last year.
Him was fixin to hed back in de swamp
and I gets me a pictue tru my window of dat gros cajun Den I gets outta my shack and brings myself down here faster dan a chankachank on a Saty nite.Mais, I'm tell you, I aint go back to Bayou Pompideux, til dat ting is gone!

Here dat pitcure I done took."
At this point, Mr. Gatreux cut off the interview, saying he had to go meet Henri Lebec to get hisself anudder bottle of dat bon new walla wine ol' Henri mak las week .

Photo on page  21

ANOTHER STRANGE CREATURE SEEN BY MAURICE GATREAU

A large green chicken like creature, approximatly eight foot tall, was seen on Bayou Pompideux near Maurice Gatreaux's shack early this morning.
As this reporter was having supper at Mama Moutons Snack Bar and Exxon Service station, I was again confronted, by Mr. Gatreaux, who seemed to be in a high state of agitation (or maybe his normal state of intoxication).
Mr Gatreaux related this story to me about his latest encounter....

Now you not gonna believ dis,Mr.Reporter man, but dere's anudder big ugly critter out on Bayou Pompideux!.
Las Satty mornin', I brung myself out back to my shed, to gits me some of dat walla wine,dat mak you wanna do de chankachank all nite long. I keeps it in de shed cause dat stuff's too dangerous to keep in de shack, you know.
I looks in de shed and Mais!, I almos poo poo.
I sez, Maurice, som ting done broke in you shed and drunk six bottles of dat walla wine, ol' Henri sell you...
I bet dat no good Gaston Thibedeaux dun slip in here an stole my walla wine. Look at all dem empty bottles on de floor.
Den, on Mondy nite, I hears a big racket down in de shed.
Mais!, dis time I almos poo poo fo sure.
I see de ugliest critter running back in de swamp wit two mo bottles of my walla wine. I garontee, it not ol' Gaston Thibedaux,at all.
Dat ugly critter look lak a giant chickin,wit green fedders an wit a long 'gator tail an a long nek wit a hed lak a snappin' turtle.
It don hav no wings, insted it hav arms lak a gator an hands wit big claws.
Mais!, I tink if I see one more ting lak dat ugly chikin or dat giant cajun,I see las month,
I gonna move way up Nawth, mebbe as far as Tennessee.

Mama Mouton started sellin' dat walla juice, and old Henri Lebec found out, dat if you stuffed dem okra poda and dem petit red tong babettes, (you city folk done call "Little Red Tongue Okra ClusterBugs)", in a barrel of it, it mak de bes wine dis ol' cajun ever drink, I garontee.

You know...when ol Henri sell me dat fust bottle of walla wine las month...dats about de same time, I begin to see all dem critters on de bayou.

I know you not gonna believe me so las night, I rigged up dat Kodak Camra, dat I won at de Bingo Parlor, wit a trip wire lak I catch dem rabbits wit.
When dat critter got in my shed to git my walla wine, it hit dat wire and mais!, here dat pitcur of de ugly ting.

Photo on Page Six

EPA INVESTIGATES BAYOU POMPIDEUX
The Environmental Protection Agency has recently completed a thorough investigation of the wildlife mutations discovered in Bayou Pompideux.
Dr. Roy Jenkins, Chief Frogologist, after exhaustive research, indicated serious damage is possible to the Frog Leg Industry that constitutes 38% of the Bayou Pompideux economy.
An anonymous employee, identified as Bouregard Grenouille , told Dr. Jenkins he first noticed the mutations, just after Henri Lebec started making walla wine, a local libation, that is known for it's strange side effects.
(Just ask Maurice Gatreux).
Because of the EPA concerns, and the detrimental effect on the Frog Leg Industry, Pierre Pascal, Mayor of Bayou Pompideux Parish has implemented an ordinance to help control this problem. The ordinance prohibits the leaving of half empty bottles of walla wine in or near the waters of Bayou Pompideux, or any other area, where the frog population will have easy access to it.
Anyone caught disposing walla wine in these areas will be arrested and will be subject to a $9.38 fine and 78 days in jail.
See comparison photos on page    17. Warning: Due to content, viewer discretion is strongly advised.

MAURICES COUSINS
I gonna tell yo bout dem two dum cousins I got. Dey names be Gaston and Henri Boudreux.
Dey frum my mamas side o de fambly, you know. and dey dum as a possum tryin tu cross de hiway
Won o dese days, de gonna en up in de jail house, I garontee.
Gaston done told me bout dem goin up tu Beaux Bridge las Satty nite for de fais do do at Mullates danc hall.Ol Henri Lebec dun sold dem tre bottles o dat walla wine an you know whut dat stuff can do tu yo brain.
I don tink dey hav much brain to mess up enyway, you know.
On de way bac to Bayou Pompideux, dey dun see dis pig walkin down de hiway, lak he wus goin sum place.
Gaston say, Henri, we gonna giv dat pig a lif an brought him down tu Bayou Pompideux wif us an invite him tu a barbecue, I garontee.
Now Henri gotta little mo sense dan his brudder, so he say, Gaston you fool,dat pig belong to sumbody roun here an dey put yo in de jail hous when you steal dat pig.
Gaston say, now Henri, I dun mak up my mind an can tast dem ribs awreddy.Mais oui!
So dey sets dat pig tween dem on de fron seat o de pickup an broughts dem self tu Bayou Pompideux.
Dat Gaston wuz goin licky de split down dat hiway an sho nuff, dem hiway patrolsmen dun say, Mais, look at dem fools speedin dere. We gonna gets dem, I garontee.
Henri dun look in de mirror an see dem blue lites a flashin an say, Gaston, yo dam fool, now we gonna spend de nite in de jailhous fo sure.
Now Gaston say, hush up brudder an puts yo cote round dat pig an yo ball cap on dat pigs hed an be polite to dem policemens when dey stop us.
Won o dem policemans walk up tp Gastons windo and sez, whuts yo name boy? I Gaston Boudreux, sir, frum Bayou Pompideux and dis are my two brudders. So de policemans rite down
"Gaston Boudreux".
He look across de fron seat and sez, you over dere, whuts yo name boy? I Henri Boudreux, sir. De policemans rite down,
"Henri Boudreux".
Den de policemans take a long look, at de won in de middle, and say, you in de middle, whuts yo name boy? Now Gaston poke dat pig reel good in de ribs an dat pig say "OINK".
De Policemans jus shake his hed and rite down
"Oink Boudreux"

Den de policemans sez, yo boys gets yo butts on down to Bayou Pompideux an don be speedin tru here no mo. Ol Gaston sez yessir, Mr. Policemans, I do dat rat now.
Dat policemans walk back to his car an tells his podna, Now, I seen sum ugly cajuns befo, but Mais, dat Oink Boudreaux, he gotta be de uglist cajun I ever did seen, I garontee.

Maurice Gatreaux's Mama-In-Law

I was sitting in Mama Mouton's SnackBar and Esso Service Station, having some of Mama's jambolaya, when my friend Maurice comes in. He looked a bit pale and was sober as a Mississippi Judge.
This was certainly different from his usual demeanor, so I asked him what was wrong.
To this he replied: " Mr Reporter Man, I dun had me a awful week, I garontee.
My Mama-in-law dun com down to Bayou Pompideux from Baton Rouge and tel me, Maurice, I gonna spend dis hole week wit you, now aint you glad?
Now I tel you rat now, I scared o dat woman, so I sez, Yes Maam, I glad you com down to sees me, an I preciate you wearing dat tow sak over yo hed.
You see, Mr Reporter man, dat woman is so ugly, she can skin a possum by jus winkin at him and she so ugly dat she walk under a tree an de leaves fall off, I garontee.
Tre year ago, when dat big tornado dun hed tord Baton Rouge, she run out in de yard an I garontee, dat tornado bak off an hed tord Houston.

Las Tursday, I sez, Mama-in-Law, I tink I get in my pirogue an bring mysef down de bayou. I gonna ketch me a big ol fat gator, an den we mak us som of dat gumbo an fry up som o dat gator tail. Aaaaaa Eeeee, we gonna has us a feast, I garontee.
Mama-in-Law den sez, Maurice, you don need to go to all dat trubble fo me.
I go down behin yo shed and gets you a gator, yo jus watch me.
Lak I say befo, I scared o dat ugly woman, so I sez, yes maam, you do dat.
Well she brings hersef down behin de shed, so I grabs dat Kodak Camra, dat I won at de bingo parlor, so I kin gets me a pitcur of dis.
I glad I tuk dat camra, cause I no you tink I make dis up, bout her bein so ugly. She sneke down by dat shed and Mais!. deres as big a gator, dan I see in a long time, layin dere on de bank.
Well, Mr Reporter Man, she plant dem big feet o hers on de groun, yanks dat tow sak off her hed an stares dat gator rat in de eyes.
Dat gator start to tremble an shak an den dat big ol gator jus giv up an flop on his bak an he ded as a possum on de hiway.
Now I tuk dis picure wit dat colur fim, but dat woman so ugly she melt de culur rat out and it come out blak an white. See fo yosef dat I tell yo de trut.
Here dat picure

MAURICES' WIFE

I was back in Bayou Pompideux last week on unofficial business and ran across my friend, Maurice Gatreux.
We were having lunch, enjoying some excellent red beans and rice, with a link of boudin at Mama Moutons SnackBar and Exxon Service Station. I can say, without reservation, this is the very best place to dine in Bayou Pompideux. In fact, it's the only place.
During our conversation, I asked Maurice how his wife, Desiree, was getting along.
Upon hearing the question, he had a look on his face, that either portrayed remorse or relief.
I would describe it as a sarcastic grin, with a touch of a smile. It's hard to read Maurice's thoughts, when he is sober.
He then began his latest tale.....
" Well, Mr reporter Man, I guess yo don no bout me spendin de las 78 days in de jail hous.
Dat no good sheriff,Bubba Broussard, dun caught me down on de bayou, gigging me som of dem big ol bull frogs, dat he say was out o seesun. Now everbody know, dem frog legs tase good in any seesun.
He den brought me to ol judge Pierre Broussard. Dat's de sheriffs poppa, you no.
He tel de judge bout me gigging dem frogs an den dat fool say I was spillin my walla wine in de bayou. Now you no, I aint gonna spill no walla wine, dat stuff tu good to waste.
Well dat judge say Maurice,I no gonna fine you for giggin dem frogs, bein yo nice enough tu giv dem frog leg to me an Bubba, but you dun broke de Mayor's Ordenancy, spillin dat walla wine in de bayou. and I got's to fine yo $9.38 an put you in de jail house fo 78 days.
I say, judge, I aint never brok nuttin dat belong tu de mayor, except mebbe, de handle on dat ol grubbin hoe, he lone me las year.
But I no you don wanna hear all dis,Mr. Reporter Man, so I tells you bout my wife, Desiree.
Well it's som good news and som sad.
De good news, she dun up an run away wit a travelin Tabasco Salesman, whil I in de jail hous....De sad news, dey dun tuk all my walla wine wit dem. Ol Henri Lebec say he wont hav nun cooked up till nex Satty. Dats why I not drunk rat now, I garontee.
Gaston Lebreaux say he dun see Desiree las week, livin up in Shreveport an wurkin as a bar tender at Jaques Honky Tonk and Funeral Parlor.
Dats de place dat can gets you high or gets you low.
I don no how she wurk behin de bar, caus she so big, dey hav to move de bar out annuder six feet, so she can squeeze in dere. I not to unset wit her leavin, cause dat woman wuz eatin me outta shack and shed. I garontee, dat big woman coud ate a hole gator tail and den finish off a whole pot o red beans an rice, includin five poun o possum sausage.
I not say she big, but when we got marry, her mama mak her weddin dress outta tu o dem army surplus parachute, she buy at de army an navy suplus stow in Baton Rouge.
One good ting. I lak bout dat woman was she a dam fine jole blon an could dance de chankachank all nite long. Only problem, she so big, when she dance de chankachank, her body wus still dancin five minute after de music stop.
Now I dun tawk tu long, so I gotta go and hep ol Henri mak dat bon walla wine.
By de way, here de pictur I tuk o dat woman las year. when I won dat Kodak camra at de bingo parlor. Truble wus, she tu big tu fit in de pictur.