"The Magazine That Serves A Twofold Purpose"


This unreliable report just in from an unknown source. Miami Police have issued an APB for the person responsible for hang gliding in the buff over Miami Beach Saturday night.
An eyewitness, Ms. Kitty Gopappa, stated the glider made a large circle over the beach, and then headed West toward the Everglades.
Ms. Gopappa when questioned, replied the hang glider faintly resembled a friend of hers, that uses the alias...GliderBabe, a well known WebTv News Group Groupy.
In a somewhat humorous twist of irony, the glider happened to soar above an outdoor beach pavillion, just as the disc jockey was playing a Lawrence Welk rendition of
"Moon Over Miami"
Miami police Sgt. J Malone said a thorough investigation will take place immediately. If anyone confronts this suspect, do not attempt to apprehend,
just give her some Chigger Bite Ointment, 'cause if she landed in thet (sic) swamp, she's gonna be et (sic) up with them critters.


This photo was taken by
a startled tourist.
However, forensic scientist,
Dr. R. Jenkins
could not make a
positive identification.

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A Tornado last night did considerable damage to the Out House Magazines Corporate Offices.
Fortunately, the staff was attending their annual appreciation banquet at Mama Mouton's Snack Bar and Exxon Service Station.

With the exception of their courageous ........
(or was it outrageous) Editor, The building was empty.

Plans are underway to rebuild immediately.

Photos on   page 38  

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Six Months Later

Open House At Out House

The Editor and his staff invite you to an open house celebration of our new facility.

The zero tolerance of all Walla Wine refreshments from the premises insured rapid completion of the project.

One small problem arose during the early stages. It seems the original Out House building is in an Historical District and strict codes and regulations prevented any exterior modifications.
The new building is designed exactly like the old one that was totally destroyed by the tornado.

We engaged the finest architects in the country, The R.Jenkins Drawdeplan Corporation, to design the new facility, using the latest technology available.
Although, the building may seem small to you, the facility you see above ground is actually the elevator leading to the eighteen floors below ground.

Using the latest construction innovations,designed by the Winosaur PumpItOut Plumbing Company. , there will be absolutely no problems of leakage from the ground level floor.

Out House plans to offer leases on the first three floors for a small fee to help allay costs of the new construction.

We hope you enjoy your tour.Reservations may be made on   Page 17.

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It has just been announced by Mr.G.Googleheimer, CEO, World Records Division, (and part time Bookie), of a new entry.
Mr. Vinnie Nodwalla set the record of staying the longest consecutive time on the internet, using his original Classic Unit.purchased sometime in 1996.
He has continuously remained on the net 23 hours a day
( How do you spell relief) since March 2, 1996.

This reporter had difficulty interwiewing Mr. Nowalla, until he hit upon the idea of conducting the interview, via E-Mail
It appears Mr. Nodwalla, has lost the ability to converse with live human beings. His most recent E-Mail to me was somewhat amazing. He wrote me that he has read every post and response in the NewsGroup since March,1997.
That comes to a total of 1,747,500 entries. Asked if he ever responds, he said, "who has time to respond, I might miss one of OSCARVES gems of wisdom if I take time to respond.
At this point, he refused to answer any more questions saying he was too busy.

SPECIAL BULLETIN:This reporter has just been informed that Mr. Nodwalla's sojurn has come to an end.
Last evening, Nodwallas's trusty old Classic blew a fuse and ceased to work. After unplugging the unit for five minutes and trying again, including new batteries, the trusted old servant failed to respond.
Mrs.Nodwalla then called 911. After surgically removing Mr. Nodwalla from his Lazy Boy, he was rushed to the emergency room. Dr. David Wiggs, Staff Neurologist (and part time disc jockey), stated "this is one of the worst cases of delerium tremens and acute withdrawal symptoms, I have ever witnessed". We have med evac'd the patient to The Silicon Valley Sanitarium where he will undergo rehabilitation.
Mrs. Nodwalla said "To heck with it, I'm going to DisneyWorld"....

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At the suggestion of former Macrosoft employee, CK Chris, (now an environmental engineer) we have implemented a positive addition to the magazine, To recycle pages, you will notice serrations positioned in stragetic locations throughout the magazine.

Not only will this addition "save the trees", it will also be more convenient for subscribers to utilize the second of the twofold purpose of this hastily designed periodical.

We have recently completed one week of intensive testing with random subscribers.
Marketing Analyst, Mr.Iom Saverio (Idyllwild, CA) stated the reactions of the subscribers indicate this new addition will be well received by the general public.

Only one adverse reaction was noted.
Ms. Pamela Gliderbabe ( Fulltime cat breeder and part time nurse). complained about one errant staple, that was accidently left attached to the paper.

A warning lable will be placed on the inside back cover advising subscribers to carefully remove all staples to alleviate any discomfort.This procedure will insure the second purpose of this twofold publication will be more user friendly.

Our Research And Developmet staff are now negotiating with the Downy Corporation to perfect a durable yet soft biodegradeble paper product that will be printer friendly and compatible with nontoxic inks.

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The annual PillsBuddy Bake Off winner was announced last night.
Ms. Sherry Fromaz of Kingman, Arizona beat the yeast out of the other contestants with her unique and original pie recipe.
Her "Goup Pie" was the obvious winner.
After all the judges returned from the hospital after having a group stomach pumping, they unanamously awarded her First Prize.

One of the judges, Ms.Kitty Gopapa commented upon returning to the convention center. "I don't quite remember the taste, but the hallucinations were really a cool trip"
Ms. Fromaz was asked to divulge her secret ingredients. She replied, Actually it is a quite simple pie to make. The name Goup is an acronym for "Green Okra Unctious Pie".
You take the residue left over from distilling Walla Wine, add 1/2 cup Cayenne Pepper, more or less, three lbs. green okra, and a partridge in a pear tree. Combine ingredients and boil for three hours at 200º F.
Release bird and pour remaining ingredients in pie shell and let cool. Pour 1/2 cup Walla Wine over pie and sprinkle cayenne pepper for color.

Asked if she would compete in next years Bake Off, Ms. Fromaz said, "I would really love to, but I am deeply involved in the process of publishing a dictshunary for peopl hoo mispell wurds.

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Jan Witchotaylor, Director of Finance, announces the acquisition of a state of the art, Mobile Communications System.
The new unit was purchased with insurance funds recovered, due to the recent fire loss that occured at our Vail Ski Lodge.
In honor of our cozy little ski lodge, the new Mobile unit will be christened, "The Privy Prying Phoenix"

Ceremony to be held at our Happy Valley Rest Camp in Downyonder, Arkansas.
You are cordially invited to attend for the small fee of $3800.14. This donation will serve a "two hole" purpose.
It will allow us to continue "upgrading", (whatever that is) our highly technical facilities. and also to enhance the Editor's 401K plan.

Entertainment will be provided by:
"Kara And The Kinky Kats"

Reservations may be made by contacting Mrs.Barbie Thirtysevenski at 1-800-ROTFL.
If you see us in your home town,drop by and say hello. We have received permission, by a company executive, (who wishes to remain anonymous), to set up our facility in local Wall-Mart parking lots.

A photograph of our new mobile unit can be found on
page 92.

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My name is Maurice Gatreaux and I lives down de Bayou bout tre mile or so.
I gots dis bon Podna who I call Mr. Reporter Man, who liv up Nawth in Tennessee, who comes down here and write stuff fo his magazine.

He gits me, Maurice Gatreux, to tell him bout Bayou Pompideux an de folk what live here.
Dats easy fo me cause I kno everting what go on in de Parish, I garontee

Here som of de suff he write.


A new species of insect is causing very little damage to this seasons crop of okra.

Shown here is a photo of the new species.
Green Okra Clusterbug"
(galbinus cemexis okrus)

The new insect has been sighted throughout the South, with the densest population residing in fields adjacent to Bayou Pompideaux.

Louisiana okra is known locally for it's fine texture and the perfect ingredient for dat good enuf garontee
Cajun Gumbo,
There was, at first, concern about the culinary effect it might have on the taste buds.

Gaston Thibedeaux, Executive Chef, at Mama Mouton's Snack Bar and Exxon Gas Station, made this comment.
"Dem petit babette ce tres bon, when steamed wit de "mud bugs", or serv wit de boudin. Dey tast lak chikin, you know.and dere petit rouge tongs taste lak cayenne pepper.

Aaaa Eeeeeeeee!     Laissez les bon temps rouler

Photo showing infestation on page 18.

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A large green creature, approximatly the height of a cyprus tree, was seen on Bayou Pompideux standing near Maurice Gatreaux's boat dock early this morning.
As this reporter was having lunch at Mama Moutons Snack Bar and Exxon Service station, I was confronted, by Mr. Gatreaux, who seemed to be in a high state of agitation (or maybe it was intoxication).

Mr Gatreaux related this story to me about his encounter.....
"Dis ol' cajun done seen de devil dis morning, I garontee.
I brought myself outta de bed dis morning, before de sun com up and had me a cup of hot chickory cafe.
I say to myself, Maurice, you go down de bayou in yo pirogue and cotch yourself some of dem good mud cats. Mama Mouton need dem to make de gumbo.

'bout dat time i dun hear a terrible racket out on de dock an I sez, Maurice, you betta look from de window and see wat dat is. So I look from de window and almost
poo poo!.

Mais!, Dere stood de tallest,greenest, meanest looking giant cajun, I ever did seen.Him wus glowin dis green colur what make de swamp lite up lak de day time.
I know he one mean cajun 'caus he be pickin he teeth wit a gator tail and, mais!, it still had de live gator on de udder end.

He had him udder hand full of my prize okra pods dat I was using to feed dem petit red tong babettes, (you city folk done call " Little Red Tongue Okra ClusterBugs)", Dem petit red tong babettes tast jus lak chikin, you know.
Dat big cajun done eat up almos my whole patch.

Den I gots to tinking So I sez, Maurice, mebbe dem little red tong babettes is what cause dat ugly ting to grow so big.
I know he skin done look lak dat slimey green gumbo, dats been cook too long.

I gets out dat kodak camera, I won at de Bingo Parlor last year.
Him was fixin to hed back in de swamp
and I gets me a pictue tru my window of dat gros cajun Den I gets outta my shack and brings myself down here faster dan a chankachank on a Saty nite.Mais, I'm tell you, I aint go back to Bayou Pompideux, til dat ting is gone!

Here dat pitcure I done took."
At this point, Mr. Gatreux cut off the interview, saying he had to go meet Henri Lebec to get hisself anudder bottle of dat bon new walla wine ol' Henri mak las week .

Photo on page  21

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A large green chicken like creature, approximatly eight foot tall, was seen on Bayou Pompideux near Maurice Gatreaux's shack early this morning.
As this reporter was having supper at Mama Moutons Snack Bar and Exxon Service station, I was again confronted, by Mr. Gatreaux, who seemed to be in a high state of agitation (or maybe his normal state of intoxication).

Mr Gatreaux related this story to me about his latest encounter....

Now you not gonna believ dis,Mr.Reporter man, but dere's anudder big ugly critter out on Bayou Pompideux!.
Las Satty mornin', I brung myself out back to my shed, to gits me some of dat walla wine,dat mak you wanna do de chankachank all nite long. I keeps it in de shed cause dat stuff's too dangerous to keep in de shack, you know.
I looks in de shed and Mais!, I almos poo poo.
I sez, Maurice, som ting done broke in you shed and drunk six bottles of dat walla wine, ol' Henri sell you...
I bet dat no good Gaston Thibedeaux dun slip in here an stole my walla wine. Look at all dem empty bottles on de floor.

Den, on Mondy nite, I hears a big racket down in de shed.
Mais!, dis time I almos poo poo fo sure.
I see de ugliest critter running back in de swamp wit two mo bottles of my walla wine. I garontee, it not ol' Gaston Thibedaux,at all.

Dat ugly critter look lak a giant chickin,wit green fedders an wit a long 'gator tail an a long nek wit a hed lak a snappin' turtle.
It don hav no wings, insted it hav arms lak a gator an hands wit big claws.
Mais!, I tink if I see one more ting lak dat ugly chikin or dat giant cajun,I see las month,
I gonna move way up Nawth, mebbe as far as Tennessee.

Mama Mouton started sellin' dat walla juice, and old Henri Lebec found out, dat if you stuffed dem okra poda and dem petit red tong babettes, (you city folk done call "Little Red Tongue Okra ClusterBugs)", in a barrel of it, it mak de bes wine dis ol' cajun ever drink, I garontee.

You know...when ol Henri sell me dat fust bottle of walla wine las month...dats about de same time, I begin to see all dem critters on de bayou.

I know you not gonna believe me so las night, I rigged up dat Kodak Camra, dat I won at de Bingo Parlor, wit a trip wire lak I catch dem rabbits wit.
When dat critter got in my shed to git my walla wine, it hit dat wire and mais!, here dat pitcur of de ugly ting.

Photo on Page Six

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The Environmental Protection Agency has recently completed a thorough investigation of the wildlife mutations discovered in Bayou Pompideux.
Dr. Roy Jenkins, Chief Frogologist, after exhaustive research, indicated serious damage is possible to the Frog Leg Industry that constitutes 38% of the Bayou Pompideux economy.
An anonymous employee, identified as Bouregard Grenouille , told Dr. Jenkins he first noticed the mutations, just after Henri Lebec started making walla wine, a local libation, that is known for it's strange side effects.
(Just ask Maurice Gatreux).

Because of the EPA concerns, and the detrimental effect on the Frog Leg Industry, Pierre Pascal, Mayor of Bayou Pompideux Parish has implemented an ordinance to help control this problem. The ordinance prohibits the leaving of half empty bottles of walla wine in or near the waters of Bayou Pompideux, or any other area, where the frog population will have easy access to it.

Anyone caught disposing walla wine in these areas will be arrested and will be subject to a $9.38 fine and 78 days in jail.

See comparison photos on page    17.

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I was back in Bayou Pompideux last week on unofficial business and ran across my friend, Maurice Gatreux.
We were having lunch, enjoying some excellent red beans and rice, with a link of boudin at Mama Moutons SnackBar and Exxon Service Station.
I can say, without reservation, this is the very best place to dine in Bayou Pompideux.
In fact, it's the only place.

During our conversation, I asked Maurice how his wife, Desiree, was getting along.

Upon hearing the question, he had a look on his face, that either portrayed remorse or relief.
I would describe it as a sarcastic grin, with a touch of a smile. It's hard to read Maurice's thoughts, when he is sober.
He then began his latest tale.....

" Well, Mr Reporter Man, I guess yo don no bout me spendin de las 78 days in de jail hous.
Dat no good sheriff, Bubba Broussard, dun caught me down on de bayou, gigging me som of dem big ol bull frogs, dat he say was out o seesun.
Now everbody know, dem frog legs tase good in any seesun.
He den brought me to ol judge Pierre Broussard.
Dat's de sheriffs poppa, you no.

He tel de judge bout me gigging dem frogs an den dat fool say Maurice, You was spillin dat walla wine in de bayou and dats aginst de law.

Now you no, I aint gonna spill no walla wine, dat stuff tu good to waste.

Well dat judge say Maurice, I not gonna fine you for giggin dem frogs,
bein yo nice enough tu giv dem frog legs to me an Bubba,
but you dun broke de Mayor's Ordenancy, spillin dat walla wine in de bayou. and I got's to fine yo $9.38 an put you in de jail house fo 78 days.

I say, judge, I aint never brok nuttin dat belong tu de mayor, except mebbe, de handle on dat ol grubbin hoe, he lone me las year.

But I no you don wanna hear all dis,Mr. Reporter Man, so I tells you bout my wife, Desiree.
Well it's som good news and som sad.

De good news, she dun up an run away wit a travelin Tabasco Salesman, whil I in de jail hous....
De sad news, dey dun tuk all my walla wine wit dem.
Ol Henri Lebec say he wont hav nun cooked up till nex Satty.
Dats why I not drunk rat now, I garontee.

My frend, Gaston Lebreaux, say he dun see Desiree las week, livin up in Shreveport an wurkin as a bar tender at Jaques Honky Tonk and Funeral Parlor.

Dats de place dat can gets you high or gets you low.
I don no how she wurk behin de bar, caus she so big, dey hav to move de bar out annuder six feet, so she can squeeze in dere.
I not to unset wit her leavin, cause dat woman wuz eatin me outta shack and shed. I garontee.
Dat big woman coud ate a hole gator tail, a half gallon of gumbo
and den finish off a whole pot o red beans an rice, includin five poun o possum sausage.

I not say she big, but when we got marry, her mama mak her weddin dress outta tu o dem army surplus parachute,
she buy at de army an navy suplus stow in Baton Rouge.

One good ting. I lak bout dat woman was she one dam fine jole blon an could dance de chankachank all nite long.
Only problem, she so big, when she dance de chankachank, her body wus still dancin five minute after de music stop.
Mais, I bet dat Tabasco Salesman is dun broke alreddy feedin dat big lady.

Now I dun tawk tu long, so I gotta go and hep ol Henri mak dat bon walla wine.
By de way, here de pictur I tuk o dat woman las year. with dat Kodak camra, I won at de bingo parlor. Truble wus, she tu big tu fit in de pictur.

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Another report from our Award Winning Editor down in beautiful Bayou Pompideux on "Life in De Swamps".......

Maurice Gatreaux's Mama-In-Law

I was sitting in Mama Mouton's SnackBar and Esso Service Station, having some of Mama's jambolaya, when my friend Maurice comes in. He looked a bit pale and was sober as a Mississippi Judge.
This was certainly different from his usual demeanor, so I asked him what was wrong.
To this he replied: " Mr Reporter Man, I dun had me a awful week, I garontee.
My Mama-in-law dun com down to Bayou Pompideux from Baton Rouge and tel me, Maurice, honey, I gonna spend dis hole week wit you, now aint you glad?
Now I tel you rat now, I scared o dat woman, so I sez, Yes Maam, I glad you com down to sees me, an I preciate you wearing dat tow sak over yo hed.

You see, Mr Reporter man, dat woman is so ugly, she can skin a possum by jus winkin at him and she so ugly dat she walk under a tree an de leaves fall off, I garontee.
Tre year ago, when dat big tornado dun hed tord Baton Rouge, well, she run out in de yard stared at dat twister, an I garontee, dat tornado bak off an hed tord Houston.

Las Tursday, I sez, Mama-in-Law, I tink I get in my pirogue an bring mysef down de bayou. I gonna ketch me a big ol fat gator, an den we mak us som of dat gumbo an fry up som o dat gator tail.
Aaaaaa Eeeee, we gonna has us a feast, I garontee.

Mama-in-Law den sez, Maurice, honey, you don need to go to all dat trubble fo me.
I go down behin yo shed and gets you a gator, yo jus watch me.
Lak I say befo, I scared o dat ugly woman, so I sez, yes maam, you do dat.
Well she brings hersef down behin de shed, so I grabs dat Kodak Camra, dat I won at de bingo parlor, so I kin gets me a pitcur of dis.
I glad I tuk dat camra, cause I no you tink I make dis up, bout her bein so ugly. She sneke down by dat shed and Mais!. deres as big a gator, dan I see in a long time, layin dere on de bank.
Well, Mr Reporter Man, she plant dem big feet o hers on de groun, yanks dat tow sak off her hed an stares dat gator rat in de eyes.
Dat gator start to tremble an shak an moan an groan an den dat big ol gator jus giv up an flop on his bak an he ded as a possum on de hiway.
Now I tuk dis picure wit dat colur fim, but dat woman so ugly she melt de culur rat out and it come out blak an white. See fo yosef dat I tell yo de trut.
Here dat picure

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Last evening, as I was having a delicious meal of crawfish etoufee at Mama Mouton"s Snack Bar and Exxon Service Station, who should walk in but my old friend, Maurice Gatreux. I asked how things were going and he said he had just come from his cousins shack, where he was treated to a feast of Baby Back Pork Ribs.
He then proceeded to tell be about his cousins....

Mr. Reporter Man, I gonna tell yo bout dem two dum twin cuzzins I got. Dey names be Gaston and Henri Boudreux.
Dey frum my mamas side o de fambly, you know. and dey dum as a possum tryin tu cross de hiway...
Won o dese days, de gonna en up in de jail house, I garontee.

Gaston done told me bout dem goin up tu Beaux Bridge las Satty nite for de faisdodo at Mullates danc hall.Ol Henri Lebec dun sold dem tre bottles o dat walla wine an you know whut dat stuff can do tu yo brain.
I don tink dey hav much brain to mess up enyway, you know.

On de way bac to Bayou Pompideux, dey dun see dis pig walkin down de hiway, lak he wus goin sum place.
Gaston say, Henri, we gonna giv dat pig a lif an brought him down tu Bayou Pompideux wif us an invite him tu a barbecue, I garontee.
Now Henri gotta little mo sense dan his brudder, so he say, Gaston you fool,dat pig belong to sumbody roun here an dey put yo in de jail hous when you steal dat pig.
Gaston say, now Henri, I dun mak up my mind an can tast dem ribs awreddy.Mais oui!

So dey sets dat pig tween dem on de fron seat o de pickup an broughts dem self tu Bayou Pompideux.
Dat Gaston wuz goin licky de split down dat hiway an sho nuff, dem hiway patrolsmen dun say, Mais, look at dem fools speedin dere. We gonna gets dem, I garontee.

Henri dun look in de mirror an see dem blue lites a flashin an say, Gaston, yo dam fool, now we gonna spend de nite in de jailhous fo sure.
Now Gaston say, hush up, brudder, an puts yo cote round dat pig an yo ball cap on dat pigs hed an be polite to dem policemens when dey stop us.

Won o dem policemans walk up tp Gastons windo and sez, whuts yo name boy? I Gaston Boudreux, sir, frum Bayou Pompideux and dis are my two brudders.
So de policemans rite down Gaston Boudreux.
He look across de fron seat and sez, you over dere, whuts yo name boy? I Henri Boudreux, sir. De policemans rite down, Henri Boudreux.
Den de policemans say, you in de middle, whuts yo name boy? Now Gaston poke dat pig reel good in de ribs an dat pig say "OINK". de Policemans rite down Oink Boudreux

Den de policemans sez, yo boys gets yo butts on down to Bayou Pompideux an don be speedin tru here no mo.
Ol Gaston sez yessir, Mr. Policemans, I do dat rat now.

Dat policemans walk back to his car an tells his podna, Now, I seen sum ugly cajuns befo, but Mais, dat Oink Boudreaux, he gotta be de uglist cajun I ever did seen, I garontee.......

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A local resident of Bayou Pompideux was slightly injured while entertainig the local residents at the annual Fais dodo on July 4th.

I was on another assignment and unfortunately missed the event.

My good friend Maurice Gatreaux was kind enough to give me full details and a photo of the aftermath of the stunt, But here,.......I'll let Maurice relate his observations.

"Mr Reporter Man, You dun miss one crazy ting at de faisdodo, I garontee.
You kno dat strange cousin o mine, Jaques Leroux.
He on my mama side of de famly, and ever since dat mule o his kicked him in de hed, he tink he can do bout anyting.
He mak dis bet wit Henri Lebec dat he cud jump off dat fire tower dey put up las year and land in a five gallon buket o water.
Ol' Henri Lebec say, Jaques,You crazy fool, I bet you a hole case o walla wine you not do it.
So Jaques say, Henri Lebec, you jus watch me.

Well, Mayor Pierre Pascal here bout dis and he say to Jaques Leroux,...Jaques Leroux, I tell you what, We needs someting fo de faisdodo on July 4th, an you wait to den an I give you $4.39 outta de city fund fo yo act.
Jaques Leroux say, Mister Mayor man, I tak you up on dat offer.

Well, de big day get here an everbody from Bayou Pompideux show up to see dat crazy fool do he stunt.
Jaques Leroux sits dis five gallon buket o water down by de foot o de tower and den starts to climb all dem steps to de top.
All de girls start to giggle, cause all he had on wus a swim suit, he borrow frum Bubba Boudreux and a pair of brogans.
What he not kno is de swim suit had a hole in de bak an dats why all dem girls be gigglin'.
It wus rat funny, but den he reach de top o dat tall tower, whut be a hunderd feet high.
Den everbody gits real quiet......an some body say..Mais, dat fool gonna do it.....
Jaques, he step up to de edge an let out won o dem Tarzan yells and dove off dat tower.
Dat crazy fool, he do a bak flip, a front flip, an den he hed strait fo dat bucket at niney mile a hour.
Mais, he hit dat buket jus lak he say he wud, 'cept he not figgered on de size on de inside o dat buket, or de size he wuz, and dats when de amblance wus called.

Dey tak him up to Baton Rouge, an I followed dem in my pickup truk to see if he okay.
I tuk dis picure o him, wit dat Kodak camry, I win at de Bingo Parlor.
I ask de doctor if he be ok and de doctor, he say he be fine, after de swellin go down. De doctor, he say he can't do nuttin for de bucket, cause dey have to cut it open to get Jaques out.

I see Jaques dis mornin an ask him how he doin.
He say he be fine, 'cept he say, "Mais, my head sho do hurt frum drinkin dat case o Walla Wine, I win frum Henri Lebec."

Here a picure of Jaques when he landed.


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Mr. Andre Thibedoux of Bayou Pompideux, owner of the HERE CHICKIE CHICKIE Poultry Farms, has recently developed a new super strain of poultry that will surely effect the chicken industry.

Mr. Thibedoux has crossed a Rhode Island Red with an Ostrich and feeds them exclusely on his secret formula.
He did say a portion of the feed formula consists primarily of Fermented Okra Plant leaves and Zataran's Gumbo Mix..

Mr. Thibedoux explained how his discovcery came about:
"I wus over to Henri Lebec's place las month and he had dis big pile of de stinkiest stuff I ever did smell.
He say it wuz de fermented okra plant leaves dat he couldn't find no use for.
He say. Andre, I pay you $2.86 if you lode dem in yo pickup and get dem outta dere.
I say: You gots a deal, Henri Lebec, cause I figger wit someting what stink lak dat, dere's bound to be some use for dem.

On my way bak to de farm, I drive by Mama Moutons Snack Bar and Exxon Service Station to gits me sum gaz and Mais, rat dere in front of de sto one of dem big ol Zataran deliver truks done run smak dab into a big ol cyprus tree.
Dere wus dem little boxes of Zatarans Gumbo Mix, whut dey sell to de turist, spilled out all over de road.

Dat truk driver not tu happy bout pickin up all dat mess, so he say:
Andre, I giv you $1.49 if you pik up all dem spilt boxes and haul dem off in yo pickup truck.
I say: You gots a deal, Mr. Truk Driver, cause I figger wit someting what de tourist like, dere's bound to be some use for dem.

So, I piles dem in de bak o de pick up truk wit dat stinky mess an hauls dem off

I dump de hole mess on my bak chikin lot, where I raisin dat new breed, I discover.
De nex mawning, I look bak dere and dem baby chiken act lak dey can't git enough o dat stuff in dere little craws.
Dey done eat up bout haf dat pile, I garontee.
De nex day I notice dem baby ckick dun growed almos a foot. Mais, I say to mysef, Andre, I tink you gonna mak a lotta money on dem chikens if dey keep growin lak dat.
Some fella up Nawth in Kentucky, name Kernal Sandford or someting lak dat tell me he gonna buy all dem chikens i can raise.
Mais, dat sho did tickle my gizzard.

I got Maurice Gatreux to tak dis pictur fo me, wit dat Kodak Camera he won at de Bingo Parlor.
Dat Maurice say to me, Andre, you puts a rope on dat critter, cause I aint get near dat big ting. less you hol on to him...

Here de pictur of dat chicken.

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Ms Mimi Fonteneaux of Bayou Pompideux has filed suit against the Shape-It-Up Health Corporation, seeking damages of $98.72.....

Ms Fonteneaux's attorneys stated the Shape-it-up® pills, she was given, are still in the experimental stage and have not been approved for release to the general public.

The Shape-it-up® pill is produced by the LeBec Pharmaceutical Corp.
The pill, made from irradiated okra plant roots, crawfish shells, and monosodium glutamate has been tested on primates and CEO Henri LeBec stated:
"Dem little green pills shaped dem monkeys up jus fine an I don see no problems wit dem."

The law suit also states, Ms Fonteneaux was not informed of possible side effects that could occur with the treatment.

The Shape-it-up® pills did indeed transform Ms Fonteneaux's 384 pound frame into more curves than a Smokey Mountain road, but the side effects will certainly be detrimental to her position of Swamp Tour Guide, with the See~De~Gator Tours, Inc. of Bayou Pompideux.

She stated she can no longer perform her duties
"cause dem gators run off an hide when dey see me coming. De dirty ol' mens laff at me, and de little kids scream and are skeered outta dere pants."

A recent photo of Mimi Fonteneaux does indeed show the side effects she has suffered.

Photo on Page 13.



Dis a Picure of Mama Mouton's SnackBar and Exxon Service Station

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